Long time no write…

Hello there,

It’s been a long time since I have been writing here. Why? is probably the first question you will ask. Well, the answer is – I don’t really know. Life has been happening I guess and life has not been an easy ride, far from it. I was reading my last input and realised that I hadn’t been writing for three years. That’s a hell of a long time! Funnily enough, I almost feel as if I was a completely different person from the one I was three years ago. Once again, the question you might be tempted to ask is why? Well, probably because of all the challenges I have been through…

Where shall we start? Don’t worry, I will not go into the details of my biography but just probably summarise to give a bit of a hint as to what I have been through, which may justify a complete change in me. For some reason, I cannot remember why I haven’t written anything at all in 2015… Maybe a “no event” year, apart from my bike accident in February that caused me to have a break from work and a long due breakdown all at once. I guess I must have spent the rest of that year trying to recover and get back into the swing of things. But then I started a counselling course at the end of 2015, so I must have been quite busy after that.

As far as I can remember I was quite pleased with starting this counselling course again as I had studied the first year in 2004 and always hoped to get back into it without ever finding the time. So for me it was a real achievement to be able to carry that on. However, I guess with any counselling course, a lot of unhealed wounds were brought to the surface, with all the difficulties that it entailed. A lot of rubbish came to the surface and I guess I had to deal with it. The other side of it is that working full time and training part time alongside it was meant to be physically, mentally and emotionally demanding. I got quite stressed with it all until one day I had an altercation with one of my colleagues who complained against me and accused me of bullying her…

As you can imagine that came as a bit of a shock for me. Me, a bully? Where did that come from? I was so hurt and offended. How dare she call me a bully? What had been happening was that I was working bloody too hard and she was doing bugger all… So that was meant to cause friction. She knew she had not been doing as much as she should have done, so the best way for her to defend herself was to attack me. And attack me, she did with a vengeance. I felt absolutely broken to pieces and I was not supported by my manager in the whole process. I lost sleep over it, raging about the injustice of it all and the fact that nobody cared about how hurt I had been. So the result of this was it ate away at me. Added to hard working, studying and not sleeping, I ended up burning out.

When I phoned my manager to let him know that I was absolutely exhausted and couldn’t physically get out of bed, he thought that all I needed was have a bit of a rest in order to get back to work in the afternoon to present a workshop. No, didn’t you hear me? I AM EXHAUSTED!! And I truly was. I had never felt like this before. No strength, no life left in my body. I couldn’t move. I was off work for 6 weeks. And when I came back I had to go for a mediation meeting with my ‘wonderful’ colleague, which I refused to attend, but I was forced to. We both got some apologies from my manger for causing us to get through what we did. What did she go through? I was the one who suffered a burn out, not her! So once again I felt the injustice, but I didn’t have the strength to fight any more, so I just kept quiet and I applied for another job.

At least I had plenty to talk about in my counselling practise sessions but I was a complete mess. I had to get myself back on track and prepare for this job interview. Of course, I was not at my best and I didn’t get the job. Never mind, I applied for another one and was invited for an interview. This time I got it. So I started to breathe again as I knew I was going to leave and would never see that woman ever again! But I had to work really hard to prepare for this interview. I had a portfolio to work on and it took me ages to get it all together. I managed to get ready on time for the interview, but after that I still needed to make more changes to it before it was accepted. So I spent a lot of time working on this, but I was very motivated as it was to enable me to do my ideal job.

While I was recovering from my burn out I discovered what I thought was my perfect match on the internet by pure chance. I wasn’t even looking for him but I just found him. We met just before I went back to work. He wanted to meet me straight away but I was unwell and also needed to work on my portfolio for my interview. He lived in London and was worried about the fact that we were too far apart. I explained that the interview I was preparing for was closer to London. So we started talking to each other and we got on really well. He happened to be French, like me, so it was lovely for me to be able to use my maternal language on a regular basis again.

So we met and he kissed me. I fell in love and that was it. Unfortunately he didn’t tell me everything about him until after he had kissed me and it came as a bit of a shock. I didn’t like what I heard as he was everything I had promised myself never to go back to – a seducer. But I couldn’t go back, he had cast his spell on me and I couldn’t let him go. I won’t go into details but I cried a lot when I found out as it broke my heart. I could never trust him after this, so why did I stay with him? I gave him the benefit of the doubt. He told me he had changed. I thought – he hasn’t hurt me, so I can give him another chance.

This was meant to go wrong as you can imagine. The trust was not there but the sickening behaviour on his part was and I put up with it, hoping he would change. I ended up being told that I should accept it with a smile. If I didn’t I was dumped on the spot. I got dumped over and over again as I was trying to study for my ideal job, a very demanding training that got everything out of me. I even met a real bully – my supervisor at university –  who completely destroyed me. I was made to feel very vulnerable thanks to my boyfriend who kept dumping me and she used this to crush me. So I failed the course and as a result lost my job. And I had to move in with my boyfriend, the seducer who kept dumping me, as I had rented my house out and couldn’t afford to pay my rent for the room I was living in. Stuck!

The result of this was: he dumped me once and for all. But this time I didn’t fight for him and I let him go. I realised I couldn’t bear it anymore. I had lost everything in the space of four months – my career prospects, my job and the man whom I thought was the man of my dreams. All my dreams got shattered, broken to pieces, all at once. But I didn’t collapse. I kept my head held high. I was unemployed for only 2 days as I went off sick for five weeks and managed to find a job as a locum. I hated it as I felt I had moved backwards by going back to the previous job I was doing, and everything I had learned had been thrown out of the window. My pride was hurt but mainly my  motivation and enjoyment for my work had gone. I had lost all interest but I hung in there, looking for other jobs.

In the meantime my boyfriend had also lost his job and had been unemployed for over 9 months. So of course I couldn’t complain about my situation as at least I had managed to find another job quite quickly. But I was struggling and I felt nobody cared, nobody knew what I was going through, apart from my boyfriend who kept dumping me as I kept getting upset with his behaviour and frustrated with our situation. He was also going through a divorce and I was supporting him through this. Unfortunately because of this we couldn’t live together. He couldn’t afford to pay his rent in London so he also had to move into a room. So we both lived in a room in a different house in the same town. Not ideal to make a relationship work.

Anyway, my issues added to his issues didn’t make for a happy ending. He decided that he didn’t want us to be together because I couldn’t accept his behaviour with a smile. I was devastated but as I said earlier, I kept my head high. I cried a lot the first day and then I stopped. I realised with time how stupid I had been to put up with such a behaviour. But he had managed to convince me that it was my fault, all men were like that and it was my problem if I couldn’t accept it. I seeked some therapy, hoping to work on accepting such a behaviour. But then because I lost my job, the therapy focused on this rather than the relationship. With time, I realised that I had been manipulated, used and lied to, so I became very angry.

I wanted him to return to me my dad’s Christmas present that my boyfriend had kept in his storage, which were some Bordeaux bottles of wine. He did return them with some money to pay for the damage he had done to my bedroom door where I was renting when he lashed out at me, dragged me on the floor and slammed the door. He returned the bottles of wine two days before he was due to fly back to France to move in with his family as he was struggling financially because of the divorce and still being unemployed. We were due to fly together as a holiday to go to his dad and sister’s birthday party. I was angry because I was not going to go on holiday to the south of France as originally planned. I was also angry because he didn’t leave a note or a letter to say ‘good bye’ or even ‘sorry’.

This was the way I was feeling that morning as I was cycling to work and I bumped into him. He was waiting for me. He had texted me in the morning but I hadn’t seen his message. What was he doing there? He wanted to say goodbye. I said we have already said goodbye. Then he said he wanted to end on good terms. So I replied – we haven’t ended on good terms, and I just let everything out. Everything that I had in my heart since the breakup and didn’t have a chance to say to him. He wanted us to have lunch together. No, I haven’t got time for lunch. He wanted us to meet after work, no I didn’t want to meet after work. I was angry with him! So he just walked away. The look on his face was so sad that it broke my heart…

I felt so proud of myself for pushing him away. I didn’t even find him attractive any more. Who the hell was he? He was not the man I had fallen in love with. I didn’t love him any more. He had hurt me too much. But then, the day after, I felt bad, so I sent him a text the day he flew to France. I apologised for losing it. I thanked him for all his help with my moves and with my university work, but explained that I was cross with him for the way he behaved, because I couldn’t accept it as it hurt me too much. He didn’t respond until three days later, after his dad and sister’s birthday party. And he hurt me again. In response to what I said in my text, he said he couldn’t accept me the way I was, but without a reason why. He said he talked, danced and laughed with women of all ages at his dad’s birthday party and if I had been there I wouldn’t have been able to bear it. But he wished I had been there so I would have seen that he can socialise with women without taking them to bed with him.

So I saw red! I felt he just didn’t get it, it was all about him. He didn’t get that what hurts me if not how far he goes with other women, but his behaviour in front of my very eyes. He didn’t get that it hurt me because I have so little confidence in myself, in my beauty as a woman, in my ability to make conversation with people. He is handsome so I can see how much women want his attention. He is talkative so I can see how interested people are in talking to him. I am none of that and he just doesn’t get how hurtful his behaviour is as it just reminds me how inadequate I am. How can I be happy with someone who keeps flirting and seducing women in front of my very eyes? So I had a real go at him, told him he had no consideration for my feelings because he was too selfish and narcissistic to see how much he hurt me. Then I blocked him. The end!

So he has been blocked since September 2017 and I will not contact him. Since then I have changed job again and moved back into my own house. I absolutely hate the job I do for many reasons. One including the fact that one of my employees made some allegations against me because I asked her to do more work. She had been on a reduced caseload since she had gone back to work from being sick and had been on a reduced caseload for six months when I started. It should have been increased after six weeks so of course she didn’t like me changing her lazy time at work.

I had applied for the same job I had failed the training for and was offered an interview the day I found out she had made some allegations. I completely panicked as I got scared that she was going to ruin my chance. But her allegations were proved to have no ground and I was offered the job – a second chance. She decided to hand her notice in and I handed my notice in one week later. I will be going back to university and start the training again. Fingers crossed everything will go smoothly from now on…

So I made a long story rather short just to give you an idea of why I might have changed quite a bit since I last wrote in this blog. Of course it hasn’t been easy and I feel I have lost so much of my energy and enthusiasm for life. I feel I was broken to pieces, not just my dreams, but my whole body, my whole essence, my whole being. I met with some friends last week in order to celebrate for my new job and I burst into tears. They wondered if I was depressed. I said no, I know what it is to be depressed and I know I am not. I am broken, I am exhausted, I have been drained of my essence. People did not realise how much I had been affected by everything that happened to me last year just because nobody was with me when it all happened. I went through it all on my own. And that’s probably why it has taken so much out of me.

I always seem to be going through difficult times on my own. Maybe because I have no family around, no partner, and no friends who really care that much to check on me on a regular basis and take the time to listen. That’s rather sad but I guess that’s the way it is. I have always managed on my own so I guess people just assume that I can manage. I always wondered what it was about me, why I got so deeply hurt by anything bad that happened to me when so many people manage to pull themselves back together. I do pull myself together but I always lose a lot of feathers as we say in French in the whole process. I might have got the answer to that thanks an astrology reading that I had done for me only yesterday.

Don’t ask me how I found out about “Double Zodiaque” as I can’t even remember what website I was visiting when I saw Jean-Paul Michon’s books and explanations about this different type of astrology. I booked a consultation for ten days later and he went straight into the depth of things. Suddenly, everything made sense and I understood at last why I had been suffering so much my whole life. Apparently because of where my planets were when I was born, I was due to feel depressed and anxious and struggle to see things in a positive way. When I was born, I brought love, beauty, peace and harmony to this planet, but I happened to fall into a world of predators. I am too sensitive and fragile and I came on this earth with a karma of suffering, which leads to depression and anxiety as I am too naïve to understand how human beings function. So I am like an angel cast amongst demons. No wonder I have always struggled… My lesson on this planet apparently is to learn how to be nasty. Now, that might prove rather difficult, but I think I am learning… Well, I had to.

Apparently the answer is in finding Mr Right as I will never be able to achieve anything without his support. The problem with me and relationships is that I am so sensitive and I feel the hurt so deeply that I overreact and people don’t understand where it is coming from. I don’t overreact, I am deeply hurt and my way of dealing with it is by letting it out and letting people know how deep I got hurt. So of course, people don’t understand where I am coming from and how deep I am hurting. So how and where on earth am I going to meet Mr Right? Apparently he will be working in the same kind of work environment as I am – a medical profession. A philosopher, extremely intelligent, and with whom I can only get on. Somebody who will be a good communicator and will demands respect. Someone who might be looking to find ways of helping humanity with its anxiety and depression issues, whose aim is to soothe. Somebody who is extremely benevolent, warm, always in a good mood and who holds the world in his arms.

I can see how meeting someone like this might help me feel much better about myself. So I do hope I will meet him soon and he will help me put my past hurt behind, help me heal them and help me help other people even more than what I am doing now. My wish is not meet him to be selfishly happy, but to enable me to improve my skills and heal the world, heal the hurting souls that need to find peace and love on this planet and within their soul. I know the training I am about to start again soon is going to be really hard as I have failed in the past and I have to overcome this huge fear of failing again. But I know I can do it. I know I will struggle as I work with my heart and intuition, and I will need to use my brain and my logical mind more. This is a real challenge for me so I hope that maybe by meeting this wonderful man I will be able to achieve my dream of helping deeply hurting souls like me.

 

 

 

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The end or the beginning…

Hello there,

I just can’t believe that 2015 is already coming to an end and what a year it has been… I can’t believe either that it’s been so long since I last wrote on this blog. Where has my life gone? It looks as if things have been happening without me really being part of it. Not sure if this is making any sense to anyone, let alone me…

Meon Shore October 2015 007

Just to recap, last time I wrote here I had just fallen off my bike, which was a blessing in disguise as I could really do with that break at that time. Things had got on top of me, both professionally and emotionally. Issues at work, past unresolved relationships, broken family and friendship bonds. You name it, it happened…

After my fall I had a two months break from work due to difficulties in talking, processing thoughts and walking. Not so good really so the best way for me to use my time constructively was by resting and reflecting on the on-going and past events.  I did quite a bit of reading and found out about Dr Joe Dispenza, which was perfect timing. The book I read was called “Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself: How to Lose Your Mind and Create a New One”. Perfect book in these circumstances. I read did and did the exercises and it gave me something to focus on – try and rebuild myself on all levels.

Birthday 2015 116

My relationships both with my mum and my dad were broken and they both tried to mend things – in their own way, so of course it didn’t work as the bottom line is that they will never change and will never understand me or know how to deal with me. They always thought that the best way to have an influence on me was by criticising me or insulting me to make me feel small and weak. They should have known by now that this was no longer working as I am no longer a child. But they were still trying to use the same weapons, which just shows that they haven’t grown, but I have. I don’t use weapons to attack anyone but I can definitely defend myself now and stand my ground. I can even do so without doing the same to them as they do to me. I still respect them because I respect myself.

Corse 2015 233

Now on the relationships level it has been a long healing process and I would lie if I said I am fully recovered. Of course I am not but I have come to terms with it and I have learned how to look after myself. I now take the time to rest and listen to my feelings. I don’t dismiss them or tell myself off for having them. I accept them, welcome them and let them go. Sounds a bit like Mindfulness. Some new people have tried to enter my world but very awkwardly so they have come out again as quickly as they had come in… Maybe I am not ready yet.

Corse 2015 091

Professionally I have been invited for interviews to do jobs I wasn’t ready for yet, which was a lesson in itself. But it was quite encouraging to be shown an interest. I was offered a new job, which I turned down as there was no real progress for me in the offer. I came close to getting a promotion but I needed a bit more confidence and some training in supervision, which I have now been offered. So it is all going in the right direction.

Corsica - 7

 

But the most important thing for me at this stage is the fact that I have started my Psychotherapy and Counselling training at last, after 14 years of completing my first year Certificate! And I am loving it! I feel as if I had fallen into my own skin. This training fits me like a glove. I am learning so much about myself, about others, about how to help and reflect on my own practice. I feel I am growing and I will keep growing on this journey as I am determined to make this work for me and for the people who will benefit from my help and guidance in the future. I can’t wait!

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Poems

I found these poems yesterday, which I had completely forgotten about. I must have written them in some very dark hours back in the summer last year. Like every time I write poems they are in French, so here they are:

Les Troubles du Coeur

Quand mon coeur est malade

C’est ma vie qui pleure

Quand mon coeur chavire

Tout part a la derive

Il ne reste rien que le rien

Plus de rien, rien que du rien

Malaise fondamental

Epreuves interminables

Mais comment se sortir

De cette eternelle derive?

Trop lourdes a porter

les epreuves du coeur m’achevent,

m’entravent,

me harcelent…

Comment sortir de cette derive

qui n’en finit plus de me sevir?

Punition a repetition?

Mais quel mal ai-je commis?

Ma vie se fend et s’eternise

Rien ne la retient,

Rien ne me retient.

Je les entends parler

Je n’ai rien a leur dire

Ils ne me voient pas

Je ne les ecoute pas

Je ne les veux pas

Je ne veux rien

Que le neant, que le rien,

Pour une moins que rien…

I still believe in love

L’Amour A Mort

Quand plus rien ne vous attend,

Quand plus rien ne vous attire,

Que le penchant desopilant

Du neant qui s’etend

A perte de vue face a vous

La fin ne justifie en rien

Les moyens pour y parvenir…

you loved someone else

 

 

 

 

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HSP – Highly Sensitive Person

My friend Jo had been telling me about HSP (Hyper Sensitive Person) for a few years now and although I could feel it rang true to me I never looked into it. I recently caught up with Jo and we had this conversation about HSP again. Jo is an HSP so he knows and understands what it is like and as I was explaining to him how much I had been struggling he suddenly said it made a lot of sense if I was an HSP too. To be honest I felt I was and didn’t feel I needed any test to prove it to me but I did eventually take the test on Elaine Aron’s website, the first doctor who ever researched and wrote a book about HSP, and I ticked all the boxes but one… What an eye opener!

Now I understand why I always cry when I see a sad film or even when there is a happy ending, why I can’t bear loud noise when I try and relax or concentrate, why I take things very personally and get easily hurt, why it always takes me ages to recover from heartbreaks no matter what an arsehole the ex was, why I have always enjoyed my own company and never liked team sports. I have always been a dancer, a runner, a walker, a cyclist, never a badminton or netball player. I hate going to the gym as there are far too many people there staring at me. I was always so nervous when I was a teacher or a personal adviser interviewing people and had to be observed… Nothing seems to be easy when you are hyper sensitive. But I am also strong, which is  a bit of a contradiction because I had to learn to stand up for myself and people don’t like that very much as they think they can crush me like an ant and leave me for dead. But no, I can be highly sensitive AND strong but that comes at a price…

Everybody knows that life is tough but as an HSP life is even tougher… This is what I have noticed. I am a kind, empathetic and understanding person and because I am, I am also very forgiving and always give people the benefit of the doubt if they hurt me once. But if they hurt me twice then I start to let them know that I am not happy. And if they hurt me three times then I stand up for myself and become assertive. On the fourth attempt my claws are out and I don’t care if they get hurt. They should have learned not to push it. But then I am the one getting in trouble for it and I should accept it? Well, NO, I won’t because I am not in the wrong and I don’t care what people think. But this is how unfair life is for an HSP… And it just goes on and on. But I will get there and I am doing everything I can to get there.

So I decided not to be a victim any more and I want to start and enjoy my life at last. This has been delayed for far too long and there is a book that is helping me in the process. It is called ‘Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself’ by Dr Joe Dispenza. This book is just amazing as it explains in very simple words what is quantum physic and how we are just made of energy, so the way we think can manifest in solid form in the same way as our body presents in solid form although it is made of energy. And by focusing on what we want to achieve and living it as if we were already living it we can manifest what we want in our lives. This is where physics meet with spirituality. It doesn’t happen just by reading the book but by also practising the meditation exercises.

Life works in funny ways sometimes and when I ordered the book on Amazon I was told that I won’t receive it until the end of April. It literally went through my letter box on Tuesday, on my first day off work after a bike accident. I fell off my bike on Monday, my head hit the pavement and I ended up not only getting hurt but also stressed due to the shock…. So there I was the day after my fall with my body aching all over and crying my eyes out without being able to stop. Then the book arrived and I have been focusing on that as well as trying to recover from the shock of the fall. My head is still fuzzy and my back and knees are still hurting but I feel I am healing on many different levels thanks to my fall. Maybe I fell off my bike for a reason… 🙂

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There is hope… :-)

Well after a few months of on-going hurdles and disappointments I think I have finally hit rock bottom. I guess I needed to reach that stage before I could pick myself up, which I did, hurray!! This has been a long and painful process but like any changes in life they never happen overnight and are certainly never smooth or painless. I realise in hindsight that this has been an on-going battle which was just made worse by a long list of unpleasant events. So let’s now look forward to the future with a whole set of lessons learned en route 🙂

So there is hope, yes there is. All you need is to believe that at some point you will reach the end of the tunnel. It is all about setting yourself some new goals and finding yourself a new ‘raison de vivre’. First of all, look to achieve something you always wanted to achieve but never got round to doing for all sorts of reasons. For me it was to train as a counsellor. I had my interview today and I am very pleased to say that I will be starting on the course in 2 months time. Secondly, book a holiday to a beautiful place you have always wanted to go to in order to cheer yourself up. For me it was Corsica and I will at last be going there in 3 months time. And I can’t wait!

Having a plan (or two) is all we need to keep enjoying life and give us a sense of direction. Otherwise we could all be running around like headless chickens and never achieve anything. So think about what it is you want to achieve, what is your dream and what will make you happy, rather than focusing on what has been going wrong and all the hurts you have endured. Learn from them, clear the air and move on ready to fly!!

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New attempt at being positive…

This is my new year’s resolution… be more positive! I realise in hindsight that I have spent a lot of my previous years pretty much having negative thoughts mainly about myself  and as a consequence the world around me. I think it is about time to address this and think more positive as the more negative thoughts come into my head the more negative I feel about everything. I am a firm believer that we project into the world what we see within ourselves. So I will start by focusing on all the good things within myself… Hum, where do we start?

Don’t worry I won’t bore you with self-analysis. I think what I am trying to do is show that by beating ourselves up for the mistakes we make doesn’t get us very far, apart from further down. So the first thing to do is to be kind to ourselves and give ourselves a break. Funnily enough I say that to my patients every day… Do as I preach not as I do… The thing is most of the time we don’t even realise we are giving ourselves a hard time until someone brings it to our attention. That’s usually what friends and people who care about us are here for. This can prove difficult when you live on your own so the best thing to do is to treat ourselves as if we were our best friend 🙂

Now that sounds more promising. Would you treat your best friend the way you are treating yourself? How would they feel if you talk to them in the same way as you talk to yourself? Yes, that’s right, pretty down and useless. So what is the point? In order to survive we need to acknowledge the mistakes we have made, learn from them and forgive ourselves for making them as we probably didn’t have all the information we needed to make the right decision at that time. Now we have, so of course it is easier in hindsight to see where we went wrong. But this is in hindsight.

Of course this doesn’t involve hurting other people intentionally, as in that case there is absolutely no excuse. The best way to move on from this is to genuinely apologise to the person who suffered from it as a result. But they need to feel that you can actually feel their pain in order to forgive you, otherwise it might prove very difficult for them to move on. This is the key to any apology ladies and gentleman. Feel the pain you inflicted and genuinely apologise. If you don’t then just don’t bother and keep behaving inappropriately until you get kicked in the teeth yourself and get the idea of what pain feels like.

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New Year’s Resolutions

I was seriously intending to make this post much more cheerful than the previous one. I had gathered a lot of feel good little stories and was looking forward to sharing these with you all. Until today arrived in the shape of a very miserable and unpleasant man, which took away all my good intentions. I decided to keep it all humorous though as I am determined not to let this get me down, although it did very badly hit me in the face… So I will start with what I was intending on sharing first as it might cheer me up. I must say that sharing this on Facebook has really lightened me up thanks to my friends commenting on my status. Thank you all 🙂

Anyway I have recently discovered that some people can actually be genuine people, although I had lost hope… I recently lost a lodger without any notice. They just packed up all their stuff without saying anything and expected to stay over that night… Hum, as you can imagine that didn’t go down well… I had to check with them whether they had ever heard of the word courtesy… This was the ‘little madam’ attitude of an 18 year old girl who would blame everything on her mum.  Well it looks as if she still has a long way to go before she can reach maturity… So I was very pleased to see the back of her. Not to mention the financial difficulty she put me in just before Christmas…. So it took me a while to recover from this until I decided to look for another lodger.

This is where the feel good little story begins. They contacted me within a day of advertising and came to see the spare room the day after. They liked it straight away although they had seen other places and they thought I was a nice person. I thought they were too so there was a good chance for us both to get on.  They also happen to only need the room from Monday to Friday, which gives me free space over the weekend. They moved in the following week and as a thank you for having them in my house they bought me a lovely bunch of flowers 🙂 They really made my day. And since then to be honest it just feels like my house has turned into a home. There is someone there who is happy to talk and listen, who is interested  and really cares. I had forgotten what it felt like…

So this was my feel good little story and I am hoping it will last long enough. I feel this is really helping me believe in humankind again. Until today 😦  Now, how do you say “piss off ” to someone without being rude? In my professional capacity I cannot afford to be rude no matter how tempting it is… So instead of rudeness I tried humour, which was a lost cause and I should have known better. It didn’t go down well at all and as a result they wanted to talk to my manager, and I was more than happy to oblige.  I am looking forward to never have to deal with this person ever again.

This is the typical ‘I feel sorry for myself’ type who doesn’t care a damn about anybody else’s feelings but their own, who think that they are the most unhappy people on this planet. My joke was to say: “join the club”. No, they are not the only one who had a bad Christmas, no, they are not the only one who is fed up with everything, but they didn’t like to hear the truth as they love their victim role to bits. “How dare you take this role away from me?” is more or less what they could have said to me. “It suits me like a glove, it gives me an identity and if I don’t have it I don’t know who I am any more…”  My response was: “I am sorry but I can’t help you there as my role is definitely not to feel sorry for the people who don’t do anything to help themselves.” Tough but true!

So where have my new year’s resolutions gone? Well I think I am working on them but the truth is never easy to hear. Even using humour doesn’t seem to help those who desperately need to hear it. So I am still not sure what the answer is. I will most definitely struggle to keep my mouth shut as it is just not me… until I get kicked in the teeth for good. Food for thought… In the meantime I will carry on working on my planking 30 day challenge, which is a very good way to boost not only your core muscles but also your self-esteem. My record so far is 2 minutes and a half. Shall we bet to see if I make it to the 5 minute challenge…? 😉

 

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