Glad it is over…

You might not believe it but I am actually glad the festive season is all over… For some reason I have never been very keen on it. Probably because I live here with no family of my own and my original family is in France – for the best. I haven’t been back home for Christmas for about 3 years and I don’t miss it, for the simple reason that any time I spend with my family always ends up with me getting upset and wanting to run away. In that case then it is best not to go in the first place as it saves me a lot of tears and money. So I always end up in England relying on my friends to look after me… Although this time the festive season turned out to be a disaster too and without any input from my family…

I have been questioning recently the value of my relationships both with my family and some of the friends I have made in this country. I feel I need to do some clearing out, which I am still struggling to do or, when I do, it doesn’t happen in the right way and it ends up being painful… To be perfectly honest I don’t think I really know what I am doing. I know what I don’t want and I say it out loud but it doesn’t always come across in the best way. I think I still need to work on that. The problem is that I am so scared of saying it the wrong way that I don’t say anything at all, I bottle things up and end up being the one suffering from it without getting anything sorted, until it all comes out like a bullet…when it is too late. So my new year’s resolution is to work on this.

The consequence of this was that on Boxing day I ended up visiting one of my best friend at the crematorium, which was probably not the best thing to do to cheer me up. My friend Pete committed suicide in the summer of 2013 after suffering for many years from bipolar and more recently schizophrenia. Despite his difficulties Pete had always been there for me, he was my rock as a friend, reliable, helpful, funny. I felt for him and what he was going through and was not really surprised when I found out about his death. I wish I had been able to make a difference in his life but I couldn’t, which is hard. Then I went to see his parents, which is even harder…

Anyway… that’s why pettiness and narrow-mindedness really gets to me, especially around Christmas… I’ve had to battle against both a friend and some neighbours, both before and after Christmas. I even had to call the police due to rude neighbours who have no manners. As a result I ended up almost having a nervous breakdown. Happy new year everyone! But as soon as the festive season was gone I was able to cheer myself up again, ready to face 2015 challenges, hoping it will be a much better year than the last thanks to the efforts I will put into improving myself, as there isn’t much I can do about others. I can help people at work as it is my job and they want to be helped, but I cannot help someone who can’t even see that they need help.

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About Cherry B

I work as a Psychological Wellbeing Practitioner and support people who suffer from depression and anxiety using Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT).
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6 Responses to Glad it is over…

  1. Hold on out there… You are unique and beautiful, no matter what others think or how they perceive you. Cannot please everybody and those who are hard to please cannot even please themselves with themselves… Families are supposed to be haven for us, often they are not even a bus stop. No worries, some out there feel for and with you and they will not let you down. Blessings and Light, Cherry! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi Cherry, difficult times can be so much more so with pressure to look happy at this time of year. And so much clearing out to do, with searching for the right way to do it…. But, just sometimes, when ‘clearing out’ there is sadly no right way just the least worst way… I hope your life progresses as you would wish in 2015 and remember that as a tree grows taller its roots dig deeper. All my best, Chris

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Jane Thorne says:

    Here’s to a sparkly 2015 for you, with many adventures Christelle. ❤ xX

    Liked by 1 person

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