My friend Jo had been telling me about HSP (Hyper Sensitive Person) for a few years now and although I could feel it rang true to me I never looked into it. I recently caught up with Jo and we had this conversation about HSP again. Jo is an HSP so he knows and understands what it is like and as I was explaining to him how much I had been struggling he suddenly said it made a lot of sense if I was an HSP too. To be honest I felt I was and didn’t feel I needed any test to prove it to me but I did eventually take the test on Elaine Aron’s website, the first doctor who ever researched and wrote a book about HSP, and I ticked all the boxes but one… What an eye opener!
Now I understand why I always cry when I see a sad film or even when there is a happy ending, why I can’t bear loud noise when I try and relax or concentrate, why I take things very personally and get easily hurt, why it always takes me ages to recover from heartbreaks no matter what an arsehole the ex was, why I have always enjoyed my own company and never liked team sports. I have always been a dancer, a runner, a walker, a cyclist, never a badminton or netball player. I hate going to the gym as there are far too many people there staring at me. I was always so nervous when I was a teacher or a personal adviser interviewing people and had to be observed… Nothing seems to be easy when you are hyper sensitive. But I am also strong, which is a bit of a contradiction because I had to learn to stand up for myself and people don’t like that very much as they think they can crush me like an ant and leave me for dead. But no, I can be highly sensitive AND strong but that comes at a price…
Everybody knows that life is tough but as an HSP life is even tougher… This is what I have noticed. I am a kind, empathetic and understanding person and because I am, I am also very forgiving and always give people the benefit of the doubt if they hurt me once. But if they hurt me twice then I start to let them know that I am not happy. And if they hurt me three times then I stand up for myself and become assertive. On the fourth attempt my claws are out and I don’t care if they get hurt. They should have learned not to push it. But then I am the one getting in trouble for it and I should accept it? Well, NO, I won’t because I am not in the wrong and I don’t care what people think. But this is how unfair life is for an HSP… And it just goes on and on. But I will get there and I am doing everything I can to get there.
So I decided not to be a victim any more and I want to start and enjoy my life at last. This has been delayed for far too long and there is a book that is helping me in the process. It is called ‘Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself’ by Dr Joe Dispenza. This book is just amazing as it explains in very simple words what is quantum physic and how we are just made of energy, so the way we think can manifest in solid form in the same way as our body presents in solid form although it is made of energy. And by focusing on what we want to achieve and living it as if we were already living it we can manifest what we want in our lives. This is where physics meet with spirituality. It doesn’t happen just by reading the book but by also practising the meditation exercises.
Life works in funny ways sometimes and when I ordered the book on Amazon I was told that I won’t receive it until the end of April. It literally went through my letter box on Tuesday, on my first day off work after a bike accident. I fell off my bike on Monday, my head hit the pavement and I ended up not only getting hurt but also stressed due to the shock…. So there I was the day after my fall with my body aching all over and crying my eyes out without being able to stop. Then the book arrived and I have been focusing on that as well as trying to recover from the shock of the fall. My head is still fuzzy and my back and knees are still hurting but I feel I am healing on many different levels thanks to my fall. Maybe I fell off my bike for a reason… 🙂